Category Archives: Personal

#B4MH May is Mental Health Awareness Month – Bloggers for Mental Health Awareness

On December 27, 2016 my father died by his own hand. There is no doubt in my mind he suffered from mental illness. But, because of the stigma that clouds the minds of so many even today, he feared seeking help for this illness because he worried what other people would think of him. He was a very proud man, and he couldn’t cope with the idea that folks would “talk” if they learned he went to a mental health professional to get help.

I don’t talk much publicly about the sadness that plagued me before I left home. I rarely discuss how terrified I was of my father, or that I feared from the age of 9 he would take his own life. And, even writing this post, I know there are some people that will be annoyed, bothered, and/or possibly pissed off at me for writing about this. I can’t care about that anymore though. Why? Because the stigma associated with mental health and discussing mental health issues is BULLSHIT! And, by speaking up, perhaps things can change.

If my father had not been so damn afraid of how people would view him, I think he could have relinquished his pride just enough to seek help. I think my life and the lives of my other family members could have been better, more peaceful. And yes, I think he might be alive today.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call 1-800-273-8255

Available 24 hours everyday

There Is No Shame In Seeking Help

I am in therapy. I see a therapist once a week, and I have since January of this year. Before my father’s death, I saw one online because I just needed an unbiased person to listen to me, and help me cope with issues I was dealing with. I’m not ashamed of this. I understand the importance of working through my crap so that I don’t go down the deep dark path of depression that ultimately lead to my father killing himself.

Please know that NO – I do not have suicidal ideation, but I did have a dark period where I thought about it. No, I do NOT condone what my father did, but as much as it hurts me, I understand it. I can see how a person can go down the rabbit hole of sadness, and get down so deep that they can’t see the light anymore. I can actually understand how easy it might have been to go to such a dark place that you feel the only way out is death.

And, that’s why I want to shout from the rooftops that the second you feel yourself going into a place of despair -CALL SOMEONE! GET HELP! YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO FACE PAIN ALONE!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call 1-800-273-8255

Available 24 hours everyday

You may be wondering, why speak up now? Because I didn’t have the courage to before. I too was wrapped up in the fear of what others would say. My dad’s death jolted me, and made me see so clearly how different things could have been. I wish I could go back and tell him I was seeing a therapist, and that I was working with people that were helping me so that maybe he would feel he had permission to as well.

I wish I hadn’t bought into the stigma of working with mental health professionals meaning you were crazy when I was a child. Looking back I can see several moments where I could have stood up and said something if I hadn’t been so scared. But, I can’t go back. What’s done is done.

I couldn’t save my father’s life. Perhaps in all honesty, even if I HAD spoken up,  I never could have saved his life. But either way, now that my mouth is open, I’ll never stop myself from saying this again – If you or anyone you know is suffering from mental illness, even if you just suspect it – INTERVENE! DO SOMETHING! SAY SOMETHING! GET HELP!

Resources for Mental Health Assistance

Here in Tampa, if you are in crisis, you can call 2-1-1 to be directly connected to the Crisis Center of Tampa Bay.  If you’re outside of Tampa Bay, 2-1-1 will still connect you to someone local who can help. As per United Way’s website “2-1-1 is a free and confidential service that helps people across North America find the local resources they need.” You can also check out MentalHealth.gov as a starting point for additional or other help.

Above is the last family photo of me, my sister, my mom and my dad as far as I know. This was their 30th wedding anniversary. I threw a surprise party for them. What people don’t see in the photo is that there was a lot of sadness, anger and heartbreak behind the smiles in this image. In fact, most people have no idea when others are in pain.

We put on brave faces and go into the world harboring our pain, suffering in silence. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We all deserve to be happy. We all deserve to have help for our mental struggles. We don’t have to face the sadness alone. Again, I implore you – If you or anyone you know is suffering from mental illness, even if you just suspect it – INTERVENE! DO SOMETHING! SAY SOMETHING! GET HELP!

This post was written as part of Bloggers for Mental Health Awareness. Brittany from Clumps of Mascara got a bunch of us bloggers together and inspired us to take a stand and help normalize mental health concerns, illnesses, and discussion.

Please, please, pleeeeease keep spreading the word. Share this post with the hashtags #BloggersForMentalHealth or #B4MH to help spread the message anywhere and everywhere across the net. By speaking up and making it “okay” to talk about, perhaps we can save lives, and make countless others a little easier.

Save

What I Really Really Want

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I really really want lately. And no, it’s not just because of the Spice Girls song. Although I’m totally singing that in my head now…

Anywho…back to the point of this post….I’ve suppressed thoughts about what I want for a long time. Why? Without being a cry baby, it’s been a money thing. For the past dozen years or so, I’ve become acutely aware of just how broke I’ve been. I moved out early from home to avoid a toxic situation, and promptly began the process of being in over my head with debt.  I took out loans to live and never really recovered from that living on debt scenario. To date I’m facing a debt number higher than I ever expected, and all I can think is “I wish I had saved ALL the money I earned while growing up instead of wasting it on bullshit.”

To be honest, this mounting debt has made the very thought of wanting anything feel irresponsible. In fact, when I start thinking about what I want, I feel guilty and just dismiss those thoughts as quickly as I can. However, recently it has been heavy on my mind that I’m lacking motivation, and sinking into a deep depression. And, I can’t help but think that part of the reason is I’m not considering what I want. In other words, I’ve not had real, tangible goals to work towards. So, instead I’ve sat facing the debt that feels like it’s never ending and simply gotten sad every time I consider what I want because I just think those things won’t ever happen so why try to achieve them. It hit me like a ton of bricks though that this faulty thinking is exactly why I’m not trying to achieve anything. It’s why I haven’t been motivated to try and get rid of the debt faster. It’s why I’ve been so depressed because I feel like there is nothing to get excited over. Therefore, I think it’s time to start thinking about what I really really want.

Prosperity Prayer for more Money

Perhaps deciding on and sharing the things I want publicly will give me the internal jolt I’ve been needing to make some serious changes in my life. Maybe by simply considering the fact that there is life after debt will motivate me to achieve something more than the mediocre existence I’ve had for so long. With that said, here are some of the initial things that came to mind when thinking about what I really really want:

  1. First, the obvious – to be 100% debt free
  2. To have not just one, but two new cars with working air conditioner, heater, power windows and door locks, and that looks decent enough to drive around town without embarrassment.
  3.  A house – After more than 12 years of apartment life – I want to be able to stomp on the ground at 2 a.m. without worrying I’ll piss off the downstairs neighbors!
  4. A brand new wardrobe – now, I’m not talking fancy clothes – I am soooo a t-shirt and yoga pants girl. But, it would be nice to have some yoga pants and shirts without holes in them again.
  5. Enough extra money to go out for dinner once a week, and brunch every Sunday.

Okay, these are the first things I thought of, but I want to give myself permission to think of more things I actually want. I would like to stop suppressing my desires in hopes of motivating myself to make some significant improvements in my life. And, I’m sharing these thoughts with the universe in hopes of achieving them faster. Show me the money U!!!

 

The Weird Trick My Husband Taught Me to Help Me Cope with My Dad’s Suicide

On December 27, 2016, my father (pictured above) took his own life. This photo is more than 13 years old, but it’s how I’m choosing to remember my dad – with a smile and seemingly happy. The photos of him in recent years are sad, much like his own mind was. About three years after this photo was taken, he lost his job – a job that he had worked like hell to keep for nearly two decades. A job that despite his illnesses, he kept and continued to work hard at regardless of pain he might have had that day.

Doctors told him that his illnesses were stress related – a diagnosis I’ve been dealing with myself since I first went off to college. Dis-ease, the body’s state of dis – ease can cause it to become ill, and I think that is where my dad’s ailments originated.  Looking back, dad was never happy. He was always stressed. Unfortunately, I take a lot of that after him.

When my husband learned that my dad took his own life, he told me he was instantly scared for me. He confessed that it broke his heart watching me act a lot like my father – always stressed, always looking at the negative, always in a state of dis-ease. This state I’ve allowed myself into for so many years has caused weight gain in me, tension in my relationships, struggle in my business, and so much more.

I’m raising money to help my mom with the bills dad left behind. Please help if you can here. Thank you so much!

My husband said point blank that his fear was I could just as easily go down a path of sadness, depression and ultimately some form of suicide if I didn’t course correct starting immediately. I think part of the reason I’m so shaken by my dad’s choice to end his life is because I know deep down just how right my husband is that if left unchecked, my patterns could go down a very dark path. In fact, they have in the past. I don’t talk about how dark I’ve gone, but those times scared the hell out of me.

One night after my father’s passing, my husband and I got to talking about my negativity, stress and depression. During our talk, he taught me a trick that is helping me not only to cope with my dad’s death, but also is helping me to be genuinely happier. It’s only been about two weeks since my husband taught me this trick, however, it’s wild to me that it’s helping me as much as it is. Because it’s helping me, I’m sharing it with you. It’s so simple, but has had an unimaginable effect on me.

Whenever I am starting to think negative thoughts and/or going into a dark space in my mind, he told me to stop, take a deep breath, and run down a list of things I’m grateful for. He said I might feel silly, but until this trick gets ingrained in me, he suggested I say these things out loud. He said to always start with the most important thing to be grateful for, and in his eyes that’s the fact I’m alive. My go to mantra lately has been:

I’m alive. I have a loving husband. I have the cutest dogs. I had a yummy breakfast. I have a roof over my head. I have running water… And on and on I go until the negative thought escapes, or at least dissipates enough that I am no longer triggered by it.

And so, this is what I’ve been doing as many as 20-30 times a day as these horribly negative thoughts come into my head. I literally will take notice of the fact I’m feeling down, stop, take a deep breath, and begin my mantra….

I’m alive. I have a loving husband. I have the cutest dogs…

This simple trick is actually making me feel better than I have in years. It’s put a smile on my face many times, even in the midst of this tragedy. It’s not always the same words, but it does always start with “I’m alive and have a loving husband.” I will keep practicing this trick until it becomes second nature because I honestly want to live as happy of a life as possible for as many years as possible before my time here on earth is done.

I’m alive. I have a loving husband. I have the cutest dogs….

I do plan on visiting with a counselor. This is something that I’ve been asked many times since my dad left my family if I would do. Yes, I will. And, I do plan on joining a support group for additional help coping. But, for now…I’m choosing as much happiness as possible. This simple trick is helping me. I hope it helps you too.

Can you help me help my mom? Anything would be appreciated!

What I LOVE Writing About

I get asked this all the time – What do you love writing about? Here’s the answer:

  • I love writing things that help people

So what do I mean by I love writing things that help people? Well, over the years I have found that the articles that jazz me up and get me crazy excited, are the ones that teach people how to do something. For example, writing what to do with the pumpkin seeds that come out of the pumpkin you’re carving for Halloween, or tips to give a frugal Christmas gift that doesn’t look cheap – I get a HUGE kick out of articles like that. I get revved up about learning something that appeals to me, and then sharing it. Ideas for Thanksgiving leftovers? I’m all over that! How to eat more healthy foods that still taste good? YES! More importantly, how to cut my cooking and meal prep time for those healthy meals? Give me all the tips!

Yep, I love learning tips and sharing them. In this respect, I feel like a reporter. I find the story, and share it with the world. That’s my favorite! I like picking up new, more efficient ways of doing things, and then telling everyone who will listen about it.

I had a month where all I wanted to do was talk about essential oils, because I was learning all about the benefits of them. I had a spell where I could NOT shut up about couponing, because I was saving so much money at the grocery store. I had an addiction to discussing free entertainment in my area because I was enjoying the thrill of the chase of a night on the town without paying for it. I get stupid stoked over discussing how to run a freedom based business…

The pattern I have seen emerge with all of my writing is that I want to help people. I want to expand their knowledge of the things that matter to me – even if it only matters to me for a spell… It’s taken me nearly 10 years to realize it, but THAT is my favorite thing to write about.

I think it’s one of the reasons I’ve been dragging my feet with my ghostwriting business lately. Not being able to share the tips I’ve learned makes me feel muzzled. The articles that take me the least amount of time to write, are the ones that have my name on them. The ones I know I’m going to be able to promote the crap out of, shouting from the rooftops “I WROTE THAT!”

It’s also part of why I’m developing a course on ghostblogging. I know HOW to get ghostblogging clients. I know what to do to build up my ghostwriting business. But, if I’m being 100% honest with myself, I don’t want to be a ghost. I don’t want to hide in the shadows sharing amazing content that I can’t put my name on. In 2017 I foresee myself pursuing a lot more opportunities where I can share who I am, and put my stamp on the world. I want to write all the things I’ve written for my clients, but in MY VOICE, with MY NAME, and with MY SPIN and opinions.

Will I still do ghostwriting? Yes, for now. As I continue building up MY NAME. But, I’ll be honest, when I start getting more recognition for Ashley Grant, I will take less ghostwriting clients, if any at all. I would love to continue consulting people on great blog ideas for their websites, and the types of content I dream up in my mind that I think the consumer would want to know from a business owner. But, outside of consulting on blogging ideas, I’m not sure I want to write from behind an alias anymore.

2016 – My Year in Review

marie-forleo-screen-shot-12616

I love, love, love me some Marie Forleo ya’ll. And, today, while watching a video of hers, I got inspired to do this 2016 year in review post. She created a simple process to review your own year with just 3 questions. Since that doesn’t seem so scary, I thought I would answer the questions for myself! So, here we go…

What did I do, create, or experience this year that I’m really proud of? I have to say I’ve actually created a lot that I’m proud of this year!

  • I wrote some really great content for the Godaddy Garage. The article I’m most proud of writing for them this year was the one that gave me the amazing opportunity to interview Chalene Johnson!!! Check it out HERE!
  • I finished a ghostwritten book for a client that was more fulfilling than my college degree
  • I FINALLY finished the backbone of my writer-for-hire website
  • I raised my new client prices
  • I wrote a LOT of blog posts for clients that I’m really proud of!!! Omg, some of the work I did was just frikkin AHHHHHMAZING!!!
  • I went on a cross-country road trip (something I’ve wanted to do since I first got my license!!)
  • I went to THREE blogging conferences. Cool in and of itself!!!
  • I self-published another eBook under my own name along with writing a lot more other blog posts under my own name
  • I was active with a women’s networking group. Being a member of Charity Chics has been amazing for me!!!
  • I started working on the content for the course I’ve been talking about creating for nearly two years! Recent, but still counts for this year!!! LOL
  • I started taking better care of myself
  • I asked for help a LOT more this year

What mistakes did I make that taught me something? What lessons did I learn that I can leverage?

  • I didn’t put myself out there enough!!! I should have been pitching myself more than I did to get more writing work.
  • I didn’t write enough under my own name. I could have and should have!!! I plan to do a lot more podcast interviews, guest posts and self promotion going forward. Fear is what held me back from putting myself out there, but that is why I’m creating a word of the year for 2017. That word is EXPERIMENT! From now on, everything I do will be an experiment. More on that in another post though.
  • I didn’t speak up enough when I was unhappy with something, or I spoke up from an emotional place. Breathing and then being rational is way more helpful!
  • I should have been taking better care of myself before this year. My medical woes are all self-induced, but I am getting healthier every single day now!
  • I stayed in friendships that weren’t serving me for far too long, and the ones I did let go of I mourned way too much. When people are hurting you for their own benefit, you’re only hurting yourself if you stick around.
  • I also learned that November and December are slim months for my clients, and I should have budgeted myself better to prepare for the lean income!
  • Finally, I should have been building my email lists sooner, and affiliate marketing more!

What am I willing to let go of?

  • WEDDINGS!!! I decided earlier this year that I don’t want to photograph weddings anymore. This is true now, more than ever. I am NOT a fan of shooting weddings. The pressure, the nerves, the tears, the fears – nope, not for me anymore. I’m now shopping for wedding photographers I like that I don’t feel are too expensive so I will have someone or a few people to refer clients to because I just don’t ever want to photograph another wedding again!
  • Clients that want too many freebies, or aren’t willing to pay my requested rates. I have been really bad about letting some people walk all over me in the past. I got much better about this in 2016, but I do still have room for growth. I’ve decided that in 2017 I will be much stronger, and if people can’t afford me, welp – then we can’t work together. I bust my ASH for my clients, and I deserve to be paid for this work.
  • CLUTTER – oh man! This has been a big one for me. I’ve been getting rid of stuff all year, and I’m not done yet. I’m decluttering all. the. things! I’ve given away clothes I haven’t worn in years, books I never even opened, toys (yes toys!) that I had as a child, makeup and toiletries that should have been thrown away long ago, and so much more. I’m loving how good it feels to let go of all this crap, and I know that it’s just making way for the new, fresh and wonderful things the Universe is sending my way!!!

Wow, so although I’ve had some downs in 2016, it’s clear that this year has actually been a damn good one. Grateful that Marie suggested reviewing my year from a distance!!! I’ve learned a lot, I’ve grown a lot, and I just know that all of the amazing things that happened to me this year are going to lead to a bigger, better and more amazing 2017. Bring it on! I can’t wait to see how many wonderfully abundant things are coming my way.

Restating my goals for 2017:

  • $10,000 a month profit in easy, recurring revenue
  • Get healthier mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally
  • Have more fun and adventure
  • Do more creative things!

Want to do your own year in review? Catch Marie’s whole video here:

Sometimes the Roller Coaster of Life Has Too Many Ups and Downs

Sometimes the roller coaster of life has too many ups and downs…or does it? Could it actually just be the Universe teaching you lessons? Perhaps…the ups and downs I’ve faced throughout the last few days have definitely been…well…educational…

roller coaster of life

It’s certainly been a crazy roller coaster this life has had me on the past few days. So, where do I even begin? Let’s start here….

Down: Sunday I decided to accompany my mom for a family emergency trip out of town. Up: I can work from anywhere that has an internet connection and I got to spend time with my mom.

Down: Monday, the family emergency got bad. Tuesday it got worse and Wednesday-Thursday it hit the peak of crazy.

Ups: – I got interviewed to be featured on a podcast for my ghostwriting business
– I got a lot of work done albeit under weird circumstances
– I got to watch the Tony Robbins Netflix special – highly recommend it
– I had a fabulous phone chat with a client to take create an exciting project for her business
– I rewrote a lot of goodies on this blog and got INSANELY clear on what I want to do with it.
– I finalized the workflow for what I want on my writer-for-hire website

Coasting: Today…the family emergency settled down enough that I was able to just breathe and know that it should be better for at least the next 45 days (hopefully). As I began to calm down this morning I had more big ups

Ups: – Passed my Hubspot Inbound certification
– I had an article go live on Medium and
– I came to the GLORIOUS realization that I don’t need nearly as much money as I thought I did for my road trip that’s happening next week.

Through all of these ups and downs I’ve been trying to keep a positive attitude and though I had a lot of slips in the positive Ashley department,  I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I really want in my life right now. I’m very much looking forward to my road trip next week and can’t wait to share all of my adventures here on this site! Here’s to more ups and far less downs in the future! xoxo bloggy friends!

 

 

Save

Day 5 of the #livemorechallenge

So, I’ve been doing the #livemorechallenge with the incredible Sarah Jenks. Today, is day 5 and she released video 2 in her free training as she gets closer to the doors opening for her program. Today’s video was about love and body and she asked two critical questions that I’m going to share below along with my answers that I gave in the challenge.

The first half of the video was about love and how you would show up more on your dates if you’re single or in your relationship if you’re wifed up.  The second half was about falling in love with your body even if it doesn’t look the way you want it to right now.  So, here’s the questions that she asked at the end of the video and my answers to them:

1. How are YOU going to show up more in your relationship? I’m going to stop simply throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I’m going to wear dresses because they make me feel sexy regardless of how I look to others. When I feel sexy my husband feels those good vibes and treats me better. I’m also going to get in my feminine flow like your example from the video- take a moment to turn off work Ashley, take a shower, light a candle and calm the hell down because calm and feminine Ashley is much more loving and enjoyable to be around.

2. What action are you going to take to start building a relationship with your body? I’m going to give her manicures and pedicures. She writes all day in her ghost writing business and her hands deserve a rest. She also deserves pedicures because she has foot problems and they would make her feel way more luxurious.

I’m putting it out into the Universe now that I hope I’m one of the winners of this challenge because I’d love to have a seat in the program. I’m all about body empowerment and am ready to stop waiting on the weight to live a life I love. I’m looking forward to participating in the rest of this challenge and then ultimately exploring all the exciting challenges that await me in the program. I’m ready to live more and weigh less!

I’m a Work in Progress

So, I’m doing the Live More Weigh Less Challenge with Sarah Jenks, and this time I’m trying to actually follow through on the entire 21 days.  I’ve been working on self-care a lot more these days since a health scare in March that made me decide to overhaul my entire life. I’ve been moving my body more, trying to eat healthier foods, up my water intake, see people more regularly and take better care of my mind and body. Today’s Live More Weigh Less challenge was to watch her free video and then write a comment answering the questions she asked in the video. She asked what we would do for fun today? What is our current relationship with our bodies? And, what has our journey been until now. Below is the answer I felt moved to write:

My current relationship with my body is work in progress. I’ve had the yo-yo diets and been up and down with my weight. My lowest weight was in high school and that’s the last time I was genuinely healthy. I ate better and moved more. Then, I got to college and stopped moving, and started eating crap foods. Unsurprisingly, the weight came on quickly and then was a bitch to get off. A few years ago I got fed up and tried a medical weight loss program and was thrilled to get just 10 lbs shy of my “goal weight” only to run out of money for the program and gain all the weight plus 20 lbs back.

Fast forward to today and over the past 6 months I’ve been trying to eat healthier and move my body more. I’m doing it for healthy rather than vanity now and things have improved a lot more. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m a hell of a lot closer than I was when I was yo-yo dieting, not moving my body and giving up.

For fun today I’m going to hang out with some fellow bloggers and jam on food and the joys of summer. I’m also going to have to try the eating without distractions thing and then I’ll check back in with how that goes. Very anxious to see what it will be like. I’ve heard you talk about it before, but I’ve never honestly given it the chance to work because I’ve always been convinced I need to multitask more (yet another thing I’m working on LOL).

Looking forward to actually following through with this 21 day challenge and I’m more excited about living more than I have been in a long ASH time! 😀

One Week Sober – Wait, What?

Okay, so there has been something on my mind lately, and it’s really been bugging me. I’ve noticed an issue taking over me and during a recent getaway it came to a head. Just a week ago I was at an event that was supposed to simply be a fun experience filled with food, wine and friends. Luckily, it was also an epiphany waiting to happen. What happened? I realized I was letting alcohol become too much of an addiction….again.

In 2013 I had this same realization. That year, I noticed myself beginning to crave alcohol. I was craving the buzz. Craving the fun that was supposed to come with it. And so, when I got home from a 2013 event where I’d overindulged I forced myself to take a 30 day fast from alcohol. It lead to a longer period of course, but the idea behind it was to stop wanting to drink merely for the sake of drinking. Long story short, I finally got a handle on it and only drank occasionally, because then and even now I feel that an occasional drink is fine. The kicker is you have to be able to keep it in check.

During 2014 all was well, but in 2015 I noticed my old habits were starting to creep up once more. I convinced myself that what was happening is that I was simply stressed. A glass or two of wine was all I needed to chill out and relax. It was under control and no big deal. Enter 2016…

sober for a week

I am not completely sure why, but I was suddenly making any excuse I could to drink. I would invite people to cocktails, head to networking events where I knew there would be alcohol, even cash in on alcohol rebates because I knew it meant an excuse to buy bottles.

Without even really noticing it, alcohol was becoming the forefront of my reasoning behind hanging out. Constantly craving the buzz and “fun” that would come with it. Then, recently my drinking desires came to a head. I didn’t intend it to happen quite like this, but in a weird way, I’m glad it did.

I got to go to an event that centered on food, and more importantly to me – wine. Taking it as the perfect excuse to indulge I bought a bottle of wine for my room and my roommate purchased little liquor bottles to continue the party. Throughout the weekend I knew I was overdoing it, and I continued anyway because all I wanted was that damn buzz and some “fun”.

I took myself away from the event, called my husband and told him I knew I was taking things too far. Against my better judgement I was letting my addiction to alcohol take over. I told him how sorry I was and that I needed his help.

Long story short, I made it home and on the Monday after the event, I had my last drink. Even though I said to myself I wouldn’t drink it, I did and it pissed me off so badly I poured out every bit of alcohol I had in my liquor cabinet and then I gave away the full bottles I had been saving for a special occasion.

Will it be my last drink for the rest of my life? No. But, for now, I have to stop drinking. Why? The simple fact is when I realize I’m letting something consume me for the worst, I have to stop it. I know I’ve been drinking too much and I can feel myself let it control me. I know me, and I know if I don’t squash this right now, it could get really bad.

I had another long talk with my husband after pouring out the alcohol from our apartment and I told him of my plans to stop drinking. I apologized for allowing myself to come this close to being full blown addicted, and asked him to help me get over the desire for alcohol. He hugged me and told me he loved me, then told me he would help me through this. Thank God for this man! So, that was it- I had made him, and more importantly myself, the promise to quit drinking for now, maybe forever.

Tuesday night after my resolve to quit I went to a networking event and people were shocked I didn’t want any wine. That further proved to me it’s become a problem that I must take care of immediately. I don’t want to be the girl who let’s ANYTHING control her. To feel like I have no control is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt. It’s why I work for myself, it’s why I make and follow my own rules, and now it’s why I’ve quit drinking.

So, today makes one week since alcohol has been in my system, and I refuse to drink another drink of it until I can be 100% sure it won’t become a problem. This might mean I don’t drink for a year, this might mean I never drink again, and for me that’s okay. It means I’m taking back control and controlling my own life is the best buzz of all time!

 

 

Save

Sad I Missed the Hottest Heroes Show on 7/11/15

I don’t know about you guys, but right now I’m so upset! Why? Well, because I missed one of my favoritest events EVER! Yep, I missed the Hottest Heroes show at the Ritz last Saturday because I’m the dumbASH that didn’t add the correct date to her frikkin calendar. GRRRRRRRR!!! Luckily, I’m friends with the gal who hosted the shindig and she sent me some sexy photos to go gaga over. mmmmmmmmmmm!

Photo credit for the droolworthy shot above: This hunky piece of yum is Jared Goldman and the lucky chick that took his pic is Taya Fagan. Kudos Taya. He looks just as yummy as Matt Bomer in Magic Mike. #SWOON!

Okay, okay, I know why you are really here…You want to see more of what we both missed. Check out these pics and eat your heart out! (all pics below by that lucky chick Taya!)

Rollie Cabrera

 

Kyle Rowley

 

Niko Valdes

Alright girls, if I’m still living in Tampa, Florida when this awesome event comes around again let’s make a pact to go together! Oh, and the kick ASH sexy bitch that put on this drool worthy affair?
The stunning Lisa (McCorkle) Hast  of Dream Makers Events. Show her some love by visiting her website HERE!