I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately. A LOT! I’ve been trying to figure out what I want in life and then how to achieve it. The truth is I followed a path of things I thought I was “supposed to do” for a long time. A path I’m sure many of you have been on. It looks like this:
- Go to school and get good grades to get into a decent college and possibly a scholarship
- Get said scholarship and get into the college and get a degree
- Get married and get a job
- Work hard every day
- Have a baby, keep working hard and then retire.
Well, as you may already know after item 3 I came to a cross roads. I quickly discovered about 8 years ago that I didn’t want to have a job. I wanted to work for myself. When I began deviating from the plan my whole life turned upside down. I got lots of work doing freelance writing and photography. Then it all stopped. I got a nine to five and then suddenly had a re-surge of freelance writing and photography gigs and was able to go to Thailand and quit the nine to five job again.
The trouble is when I went to Thailand it was fulfilling a lifelong dream to travel somewhere new outside of the United States and potentially kick off a decade of traveling around the world, working anywhere with a Wi-Fi connection. Unfortunately, when I got to Thailand I realized that what I thought would be a fun and thrilling experience actually wasn’t everything I expected. I felt lost and troubled because all I ever wanted to do was travel and now the opportunity was here and I still wasn’t happy.
When I got back home from Thailand I began to feel those feelings of depression I had when I had no freelance work and was struggling to make ends meet. Even though I had the chance to have many clients I suddenly found myself not wanting to work for anyone. Unsure of life, unsure of my new path. Unsure of everything.
In 2015 I found myself practically begging for work. I managed to get enough clients to get me through the year, but I spent most of the year frustrated and unhappy. Finally in March of this year all of this frustration and internal debating came to a head and I let go of one client with hopes for something amazing, promptly lost another and suddenly here I am again at a crossroads.
I know how much debt I have, I know how much money I need to make, but until now I didn’t care enough to do anything about anything because I’ve been so unhappy. Realizing that doing nothing will get me no where I opened an email that had the log in details for a program I bought last year that was supposed to save me. I went through some of the videos and didn’t really feel it so I let it sit. Then, last week I lost it and thought- what the hell? The course creator is giving away free 45 minute one on one sessions – maybe that will help.
Needless to say, Tuesday, March 29, 2016 I had my one on one and it lit me up for the first time in a while. By nightfall I found myself buying her premium program. So empowered, I also bought a workout program because if I’m going to change my mind and emotional state, might as well work on my physical state too, right? Which brings me to today…I’m trying something new. I’m trying the Kick Ass at Life Bootcamp and the Beachbody on Demand workout programs. I’m hopeful that I will finally get out of my own head and start Kicking Ass at Life.
I’ve already set the intention that I WILL do every video in the Bootcamp and that at least twice a week I’ll do a Beachbody on Demand video. I am not sure where this new path will take me, but I do know that I feel excited and I’m ready for some change. I plan to blog about this as time goes on. For now, I’m just putting it all there publicly. I’m not completely sharing it with the world mind you, you kind of have to be following this blog religiously to even know I’ve put this out into the ether, but at least I’m sharing it. So, whoever is out there seeing this, stay tuned, I’ll post more eventually…