Today, moving in together is perceived by many women as the step between falling in love and getting married.
However, there are several things women should consider before doing so, such as whether they are compatible and have similar goals. When couples move in together, they run the risk of ending up married, or with kids, or living together for an extended period during which the opportunity to meet someone more suitable is missed. So while one might be inclined to be impulsive about the decision to move in together, it is important to take a bit of time to do some groundwork.
Why Do They Want to Move In Together?
There are several questions women need to ask themselves before moving in:
Is there any urgency? Being madly, passionately in love is such a short phase and should be enjoyed for as long as possible. A report from the University of Pavla shows that it usually lasts about 1-2 years for dating couples, so why take the chance of hastening its end?
Do they both have the same reasons for moving in? Women view moving in as being one step closer to getting married. They need to realize that men do not necessarily view it this way. A lot of men want to move in because it is more convenient. So have the conversation – are they both moving in together because it is convenient, or because they both want to get married someday, or do they have different expectations?
Have They Discussed Expectations and Goals?
If the couple does intend to get married eventually, set a deadline before moving in. A report in the Social Science Research journal shows that only about 40% of cohabiting couples eventually marry, so women need to discuss how long they are prepared to live together without a firm commitment. That way, both individuals know what is expected straight up. This is not about threatening the partner with breaking up if he doesn’t put a ring on her finger, but about respect and boundaries. Women can make it clear that she doesn’t intend to break up, necessarily, if they don’t become engaged within the timeframe, just that she has too much respect for herself to keep living together.
When a woman moves in with a man with the intent to marry him, then she should treat moving in as a trial marriage. Women need to think about what they expect in a life partner and be clear-eyed enough to see if their partner has those qualities. In essence, does he make her life better – or worse? Is he a good person but inclined to be a couch potato while she wants to climb Mount Everest – or vice versa?
Women shouldn’t even think about having kids until they have lived together for a couple of years, and they are confident that this is someone they want to spend their life with. While they can walk out without any complications if the ‘trial marriage’ doesn’t work out, things change once children come into the picture. Sure, if he is a rat, she can leave.
But what happens if he is a nice but dull man – and now the father of her children? Her responsibilities towards her children mean that she owes it to them to try to make the relationship work. As much as she is choosing a life partner for herself, she is also choosing a father for her children – so women must think about what attributes they are looking for in a father – health, affection, good values, and a shared philosophy of child-raising.
Women need to choose wisely before allowing themselves to fall in love, but if they are already in love, then they should see the decision to live together as a way of testing whether their hormones have made the right choice for them.
